Red Lights
by SparklyLarry
Summary: One-shot. When Sting decided to win the Love-Contest by taking famous Titania as his partner, he had no doubts about the love potion. The two most powerful and gorgeous wizards make a perfect couple! What can possibly go wrong? The Dragon Slayer just doesn't know that red lights mean danger...


**Red Lights**

 _by Sparkly Larry_

 _A/N: Actually, it's a side story for my 'Waterproof', but you don't have to read to understand this one x). This crack-pairing (Stiza..? xD)) came out of nowhere. I just wanted to mess with great Eucliffe and his ego. Anyway, enjoy!_

 _P.S. not beta-proved._

 _P.P.S. I own nothing but the described craziness below._

 **Red Lights**

The sun rolls over the horizon like an overripe apple, its red juices splashing on town's houses as the last act of defiance to the approaching night. A small flock of fluffy clouds is grazing the sea lazily as southern winds shepherd it over the waving water. What a peaceful evening it is. Some fishermen have already finished reeling their ropes and nets, the catch resting in the baskets ready to be sold. Rays, marlins, sardines... and a fat cat-fish. The latter one rests at the very top of the pile, staring haughtily with its bulging lifeless eyes at a distant, very-very distant relative...

Somewhere in the middle of evolution Nature got bored and decided to split up felines, endowing one species with sharp claws and long whiskers and another with shining scales and fins. Little do people know, but Nature has a soft spot for cats. A long time ago, she asked her long-time and extremely powerful rival, Magic, a favour: gift some felines with angelic wings. Well, all-mighty Magic succumbed to her pleads. However, out of pure malice, he sent all flying cats to another realm so that Nature could not rejoice at seeing her children grow. There was no end to her grief as she wept. For centuries her tears have been nourishing young woods and dry lands. Then, one day, shy streams turned into rapid rivers. Miserable puddles were filled with tears to become great lakes and seas. That was the miracle of Nature's love. So strong and pure it was, that she overpowered Magic, weakening his influence upon the land. Since then, Nature and Magic have both been controlling life in Earthland, one trying to dominate over another.

But that's another story. He heard it twice. Both times the blonde had the same reaction. What a bullshit. As if Nature can ever stand up to Magic.

"Sting, why is a stupid fish called 'cat-fish'?" a brown Exceed furrows his brows at the obnoxious morsel... There are times when even food can look saucy. Humans are too preoccupied with trifles to pay attention to really important things. So, they'll never know if some roast turkey or a random fry gives them an evil eye. Unlike people, cats, especially Exceeds, recognize cocky food (and potential food) immediately. That's the reason they so often tear mice and birds to pieces without any intention to eat them later. Though, usually they still consume the left-overs, just out of their feline pride.

"No clue, buddy," the Light Dragon Slayer shrugs. He too is preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice any cheek in a dead fish. There is another golden, or rather scarlet, fish for himself to catch. A smug smirk is playing on his lips as Sting imagines his victory. When was the last time he lost? Yes, that's right. The Great Magic Games. It has been almost 8 months now. It's high time the great White Dragon Slayer claimed victory in some big event. Of course, the Love Contest is a lame festival with a luscious name, but so many people are excited about the competition that it is probably worth winning. It's nothing more but a good excuse to fight and shine.

"Do I look like this ugly thing?" Lector seems to be really concerned about the damn cat-fish. The small Exceed just won't stop glaring at it scrutinizingly as if it were an enemy of his life. "I mean, there is nothing cattish about it! Sti-i-i-ng? Fry it, please! It keeps on goggling at me!"

"Urg! Just gulp down the damn thing and be done with it," the Dragon Slayer suggests exasperatedly, now feeling the catfish's stare as well. Its presence starts to irritate him as much as it does Lector.

"Yeap! You are right as always, Sting!" without further ado, the Exceed assaults the cocky fish, the blonde looking at him with an amused smile.

"Catfishes have barbels, you know," his ears catch an indifferent female voice behind the back, making him turn around to face the gloomy blue-haired girl. "That's why they resemble cats."

Excited at the water mage's arrival, Sting flashes her a radiant smile. "Hey, Rainy! What took you so long? I was getting worried!"

As always, Juvia's face doesn't betray much. Not a trace of uncertainty or agitation can be spotted in the navy blue eyes. Nothing but impartiality splashes there. Sting heaves a sigh. So much for a lively dialogue. Jeez, this chick is no better than Rogue. Why am I surrounded by emotionless fun-ruiners?!

"It is not that easy to drug Erza Scarlet. Especially, when she is a friend of mine," the blue-haired girl gives a terse reply, her hands clasping an empty vial. The Dragon Slayer's eyes widen in surprise, but astonishment is quickly outshone by exhilaration. "Do not forget your part of a deal, Eucliffe."

"Sure, sure," he brushes her aside quickly. "So, tell me, has Titania drank the whole bottle?! Are you sure?! When does the potion start to work?! How efficient is it?! Where can I meet her?! Wha..."

"You should have attacked the drug-dealer with these questions, not me," Juvia's retort cools him down a bit, but not enough to stifle his animation.

"Yeah-yeah, sorry about that! Anyway, where can I meet her?" Sting can feel himself glowing with agitation. A few more minutes, and the most powerful and attractive female wizard will be his partner. Beware, the unbeatable couple is soon to make its appearance! There is no chance Natsu can win this time...

"Erza asked me about you. I told her to meet you here at 8 p.m. I recommend you to be on time. Believe me, you don't want to be late," with that said Juvia turns away, leaving the Dragon Slayer and his Exceed behind to digest the information. Sting is about to express his gratitude, but decides against it. What's the point if she doesn't care anyway?

"Smoothly," and here comes another monotonous voice, this time it's much more familiar and masculine.

"Ahhh, shut up, Rogue. You just envy me, 'coz I gonna win the Contest with the coolest chick in Fiore!" the blonde sniggers, giving his partner a nudge. "Man, I can't wait it! We'll be unstoppable and absolutely stunning!"

The Shadow Dragon Slayer heaves an exasperated sigh as Sting imagines his triumph on the arena. "Don't overdo it. I have better things to do than clear up the mess after you," Rogue warns him in a dangerously calm voice that conceals a deadly threat. Sparks in the red orbs are not a good sign. So, the blonde smiles sheepishly at the partner.

"Jeez, cool down, buddy! Everything's gonna be fine! Look, I'm gorgeous. She is gorgeous. We're completely compatible! No catastrophe!" he beams at his nonplussed friend. Urg, Rogue's a hard nut to convince. "Arg, come on! It's not like I gonna date her! The whole affair is mutually beneficial! M-u-t-u-a-l-l-y! If anything, it's me who is doing her a favour!"

"Should I remind you about the last time you tried to hit on a certain blonde Fairy?" the dark male asks with an arched brow. Concealed, but absolutely evident, amusement on his face is plain irritating. What a smartass. Damn stupid Rogue! He just has to bring it up.

 _Two months ago..._

 _"Jeez, cool down, buddy! Everything's gonna be fine! Look, I'm blonde. She is blonde. We're completely compatible! No catastrophe!"_

 _Later that evening the mighty White Dragon Slayer returned home wet to the bone, with a tell-tale footprint burning on the left cheek, his ego crumbling to pieces._

 _"How did it go?" Rogue inquired lazily from his place, eyes never leaving the book he was reading. A slight smirk was twisting the dark male's lips, though. The blonde's teeth clenched._

 _Not even bothering to cast a withering glare at him, Sting loudly shut the door to his room._

 _..._

"I believe that your red-haired Fairy has come to meet you," Rogue remarks dully, raising an eyebrow at something behind the Light Dragon Slayer. Pulling on a sweet smile of a perfect boyfriend, Sting turns round to see great Titania walking towards him. Her scarlet hair burns in the sunset light like a torch.

"See ya later!" he waves a hand to his friend, anticipating the encounter with love-drugged Erza Scarlet. The woman in the armour emanates power, her every step is fulfilled with grace and strength. Sting licks his lips hungrily. Yes, he can almost feel the delicious taste of victory.

Before turning away and walking back to their hotel the dark male casts an appraising look at the fellow Dragon Slayer and shakes his head. "Good luck then."

"Nah, I don't need it!" the blonde waves aside the friend's remark, his toothy smile widening. Shrugging, Rogue quietly leaves the two with Lector following him sullenly. The Exceed obviously wants to stay... But who knows how drastic the love potion is? All in all, two is company, three is none. Things may get... hot...

Meanwhile, Erza Scarlet is confidently nearing the White Dragon Slayer, her face set in a determined frown. This expression of hers seeds a nasty doubt in his mind. For the first time this day it dawns on Sting that the potion can let him down. What if Titania hasn't drunk enough?! What if she has come back to her senses?! Swearing under his breath, the blonde desperately tries to make up a believable story. How the hell will he explain to the pissed off red-haired monster that it's for the mutual benefit? It seemed to be much easier when Sting explained his plan to Rogue and Juvia. Damn it! If Natsu's stories about the horrifying Titania are true than the blonde mage is as good as a goner. Something in this intent mahogany glare of hers makes Sting believe the Fire Dragon Slayer's words. What was I thinking about?! Oh, damn. She is here.

The Tiger gulps nervously as the Fairy's Queen comes closely to him, her serene face a few inches away from his. Here it goes...

The White Dragon is ready for everything, his senses as keen as ever. However, the make has kind of forgotten (again) that he is dealing with the Fairy, meaning that whatever Sting is anticipating is not going to happen.

Erza Scarlet greets the Sabertooth master in a way men can only dream of. One moment the blonde guesses at the duration of his life, the next moment his face is pressed to Titania's chest. The problem is that her chest is armoured... Sting's forehead isn't. His groan falls on deaf ears as her firm arm keeps on embracing the male.

"Darling, where have you been?" the red-haired Fairy has not loosen her grip on the man. In fact, her embrace is even tighter now that she addresses the Tiger in a sweet-and-severe voice. It's like eating a sugary cake with hard rocks in the cream; sweetness is all right, but you break your teeth on stones. "We are having a PICNIC, aren't we?" Erza asks urgently as if her life depends on the answer. Sting's head hurts like hell, and he doesn't really feel like picnicking with the woman. However, the White Dragon Slayer has a feeling that refusal is not an option in his case... Anyway, Titania doesn't deem it important enough to wait for her 'boyfriend's' reply as she starts to drag him towards the Limestone Hill.

"Hey! Um... Babe, I can walk on my own..." Sting's attempt to go on foot fails miserably. The red-haired Fairy is oblivious to his... discomfort. She keeps on walking, happily pressing the blonde's face to her armour... while his long legs are ploughing the ground.

"We are having a PICNIC. Yes, the two of us... on a PICNIC. Under stars. Darling, aren't you excited?" Erza inquires strictly, flashing a deadly glare at the Dragon Slayer.

"...Thrilled..." Sting manages to rasp, his face already blue due to the lack of oxygen in his lungs. Still, he believes that suffocation is preferable to being torn apart by infuriated Titania. Sting also has a suspicion that 'picnic', or rather 'PICNIC', is something sacred in Erza's opinion, so he would be wise not to say unpleasant things about... PICNIC.

"Your voice doesn't contain enough rapture, darling! Don't worry. The night is young! I've got plenty of time to show you all the delights of a PICNIC!" the Fairy announces solemnly as if making a vow. "I swear by my honour that tomorrow you won't be able to think about anything... but PICNIC, darling!"

The Tiger's face dissolves into a look of terror, his insides twisting. Horrified, Sting realizes that Titania is not joking. She will make 'PICNIC' the only word in his mind. Somehow, he has no doubts about it. It's going to be a long night for Sabertooth's Master...

Morning sun-rays have a nasty habit of finding tiny splits in the curtains, crawling up your face and dancing on your closed eyelids until you stir, moan, mumble some profane words and finally open your sleepy orbs. However, the Shadow Dragon Slayer knows many ways of delaying the inevitable awakening. For instance, you won't find a single alarm clock in his room. Three layers of black curtains screen the room's darkness from the daylight, protecting the male's sleep. A thick bandage covers his eyes, in case some impudent ray finds a way into his room.

Rogue Cheney is not a morning person. His friends and guildmates are well aware of that. Even his boisterous partner knows better than to wake him up before 11 a.m. There exclusions, of course. The town on fire. Tornados, floods, volcanos. Sabertooth under attack. Wars, dragons and other calamities.

So, when the Shadow Dragon Slayer hears a mad knock on doors at seven in the morning, he shots upright and jumps out of bed, ready to fight. However, something seems to be off. Confused, Rogue peeps at streets out the split in the curtains. Everything appears to be normal. Town people start their working day by opening stores, baking bread and so on. Nothing alarming. Magnolia is as quiet and peaceful as it can be in the morning. No fire. No dragons. No Zeref or dark guilds. _So, what the hell?_

"Rogue! Damn it, open the bloody door! ROGUE!"

Ah, right. Beside natural disasters, dark magic and dragons there is another calamity. His partner. Suppressing irritation at the certain blonde, the Shadow Dragon Slayer heaves a sigh and lets Sabertooth's Master inside, who runs in like a chicken on fire and dives under the table.

"Close the door!" Sting hisses from under his hiding place. Shrugging inwardly, Rogue does as he says and walks up to the table, fetching himself a cup of strong coffee. It never helps him to fight drowsinnes, but the White Dragon Slayer hates the scent. Maybe some vengeance on the blonde mage will lift his spirits up. "Jeez, man, I know you're pissed off right now! But really! How can you take revenge on the friend who's about to die?!"

Yes, coffee is Rogue's personal elixir of a good mood. Concealing a self-satisfied smirk, he asks tonelessly. "So? How did it go?"

"Buddy, you have to save me!"

 _12 hours ago..._

 _PICNIC is a funny word. You'd never believe how insidious it really is. When Sting was being pulled to the Limestone Hill to have a... PICNIC..., a suspicion had already crawled into his mind. He had a feeling that the experience would be anything but pleasant. Still, the Tiger had underestimated the red-haired Fairy..._

 _"Darling! You slices are not thin enough!" a strict voice boomed above Sting's head as the blonde was feverishly cutting cheese, ham and loaves. Well, not that the Dragon Slayer was unskilful with a bread-knife, he could make his own bread and butter, thank you very much! But Erza Scarlet was a chef out of hell. It turned out that it was Sting to blame for forgetting sandwiches. Sure, he had to have known that his 'girlfriend' was crazy about... 'PICNICS'... and he had to have been ready. So, when Titania had not discovered utensils and food on the hill... the blonde male had been forced to run back to Magnolia and buy all the necessary things. Actually, he had barged into Fairy Tail and begged the cute barmaid to lend him a picnic set, because all the shops had been already closed. The picnic-basket contained everything but sandwiches... That's how the Tiger found himself slicing ham and cheese. Shivers ran down his spine as he could feel the red-haired Fairy giving him a scrutinizing look. One wrong move and she would chop him instead. Slices of cheese must have been 0,74 inches thick. Every extra inch meant another slap on the back of his head. Fortunately, Sting was the Light Dragon Slayer, so he didn't have to chop cucumbers and slice bread in complete dark. Finally, the blonde finished his work and casted a wary glance at Erza, who was examining the slices with the warrior's keenness. Sting fidgeted nervously. Suddenly, the red-haired Fairy pinned him with a stern glare. Sabertooth's Master felt like an insect under those almond eyes. He gulped. Something had been done improperly!_

 _Erza Scarlet came up to him, slowly, like a red cat cornering a trembling bird. Thoughts of competition had completely escaped his mind. The fear of his life firmly gripped it._

 _Bang! A small smile pulled at her lips and Titania hugged Sting again. Surely, his forehead met the familiar armour as it collapsed with the Fairy's chest. "Darling! It is so sweet of you! Now that you have sliced all the ingredients, perfect sandwiches for our PICNIC can be made! You just put cheese on bread, cucumbers on cheese, ham on cucumbers, lettuce on ham and bread on ham!"_

 _Silence. The Dragon Slayer's face was a pale mask of despair. He was screwed. He'd known it the moment the word 'lettuce' had left her mouth._

 _"Darling..." Erza called him in an alarmingly quiet voice, her hand pressing him harder to the armour. Sting had a bad feeling that his head would be smashed by the end of the... PICNIC._

 _"I can't see any lettuce..."_

...

"Lettuce?" Rogue would have choked with his coffee were he actually drinking it. But the cup was left forgotten a few minutes ago as the dark male was completely engrossed in his partner's story... or rather its incredulity. "Sting, we fought dark guilds. We fought dark wizards. We fought dragons for God's sake! And your downfall is... lettuce?" he asks slowly as if processing what he has just heard.

"Have you ever sought the freaking PERFECT lettuce for the damn PERFECT PICNIC in the middle of the FREAKING DAMN NIGHT?!" the blonde bawls out, his temper lost long ago.

"For a PERFECT woman, no less," Rogue can't help letting a sarcastic remark escape his mouth.

"Shut up! It's easy for you to speak about my misfortunes!" Sting retorts gruffly from under the table, his arms folded on the chest.

"Indeed, it is. I am not the one drugging the most powerful female mage to be my girlfriend," the Shadow Dragon Slayer concurs in a nonchalant manner, doing his best to suppress a chuckle. His partner has dug a deep grave for himself. Rogue is not that cruel to remind him about it.

"Shut up," he snaps. "Anyway, do you know that lettuce must be light-green, but not as light as melons and not as green as apples. It is the PERFECT palette of pistachio and emerald, not too bright but not too dark, with just a little hint of sunny yellow on the leaves' edges!" Sting rattles on about the damn vegetable. The dark male has a suspicion that his partner won't be able to look at lettuce for a few months. "Oh, and how much do you know about its freshness?! Do you know the difference between three hours old and two hours old lettuce?!"

"Okay, okay, I get your point," Rogue relents, a bit sympathetic now. "Don't you think that it will be... safer to 'break up' with Titania?" A painful look he receives from Sting tells him everything. With a deep sigh the Shadow Dragon Slayer pinches the bridge of his nose. "You've tried, haven't you?"

"Tss, 'coz I have!" his friend snorts. "I've tried it all right! But...well..."

 _Nine hours ago..._

 _"Darling, you must dance FASTER! Let me lead you!"_

 _Green-faced, with his stomach somersaulting and sandwiches threatening to come out, the Light Dragon Slayer was being swirled like a humming-top in a centre of the famous Magnolia's restaurant. Sauces and salads from knocked down waiters decorated Sting's face and hair. His dancing partner, on the other hand, was absolutely stainless, gorgeous in a glittering scarlet gown, spinning the blonde with a nonchalant face of a professional dancer. Other waltzing couples decided to give them some space as anyone in the way would be immediately swept off his feet._

 _"I believe that you are a natural for dances," Erza remarked approvingly, making the last swirl. Strengthless, Sting crashed down on a table, stars jumping in his blue eyes and bile rising up his throat. The blonde wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to contain their PICNIC and dinner inside of him. "Do you hear it? Darling, this is my favourite waltz. Let me have this other dance with you, my love!" the red-haired devil grabbed Sting's hand and pulled him back to the centre. By that time the Tiger had been sick as hell, his feet jelly._

 _"Babe, maybe... later... 'coz I..." Sabertooth's Master rasped as he was fighting for a breath, getting ready for another wheel of torture._

 _Unexpectedly, though, the world stopped spinning around. Not believing his eyes, Sting blinked several times. Definitely not spinning. He was not delusional. Too happy to pay attention to his girlfriend's expression, the White Dragon Slayer hopped towards the exit, desperate for a gulp of fresh air. As he forced the doors open, Sting tumbled out of the building. The night wind caressed his hot face and combed the tangled hair. How good it was to be outside and away from the dancing Fairy! The blonde fell on his knees, laughing in joy. He was alive! Yay! No victory in the battle had ever made him so rapturous! Dancing with Titania was the hardest challenge in his life... because he had never felt so powerless. But that was okay. Just a few more days till the contest. And then... Then Sting would put an end to that craziness. All in all, his partner-the-smartass was right... but he would rather have another dance with Erza than admit it in Rogue's presence._

 _"Damn it. I wonder if I can survive it," Sting chuckled mirthlessly, raising his head up to the sky. Were he a bit more romantic, the blonde would have invited his red-haired girlfriend to stargaze. Still, the Light Dragon Slayer had to come up with some kind of a normal date... because if Titania continued to choose their pastime, very soon there would be no Magnolia...and no Sting. He clenched his fists. "Damn it!" the male repeated, enraged at himself. "I'm the great Sting Eucliffe! I can do it! I won't be defeated! That's ridiculous!"_

 _The headache finally subsided. Sighing in relief, the male stood up to return to his scarlet-haired Fairy... who was standing just at the corner, her arms crossed. A deep line between Titania's closed eyes betrayed her fury. The view sent shivers down his spine. Whatever the Dragon Slayer had done wrong, he was screwed... again._

 _"Darling," her voice sounded too low. Sting's emotionless partner sometimes spoke like that... When he did, something was sure to explode. "I see. You want to break up with me, don't you?"_

 _"What?! No-no, babe, I-" the blonde was shaking his head frantically, but Erza was deaf to the male's excuses and explanations. The dark aura she emitted was slowly enveloping her unfortunate boyfriend._

 _"I knew you didn't dance," the Fairy continued, her index finger tapping an elbow in irritation. "I knew you didn't cook. But I hoped that you would at least try for our undying love! But I see now that you don't set your heart to it!"_

 _"Hey, I do-" it was usually Sting's job to talk... But that night he could hardly finish a sentence for Erza interrupted him every minute._

 _"Let's see if you are strong enough to break my loyal, loving heart!" the red-haired mage yelled passionately, her almond eyes open now. They sparkled with terrifying determination and purposefulness... But it wasn't the worst thing. Much scarier was that indubitable enamourment that was simply scorching him with its heat._

 _"Wha-!"_

 _"Requip!"_

...

"So... Who won?" Rogue hides a smile behind his cup. The answer is obvious, but to witness Sting's dismay is an opportunity too good to miss. As he expected, his partner cringes and pulls a face.

"Natsu beat the hell out of us, and Titania beats the hell out of him everyday! 'Coz she easily kicked my ass! Then this demon forced me to dance again. A-g-a-i-n! And it wasn't waltz that time, no, buddy!" it is a bit difficult to say whether the White Dragon Slayer laughs or cries. He sounds a bit hysterical. Curiosity insistently nags at the dark male, causing him to look at Sting askew. Quite a few scratches and bruises cover the 'pretty' face of his partner. And there is some substance dried in his blonde hair. It smells like tartare sauce... "Nope! It was tango!"

"Tango?" Rogue repeats with a passable show of skepticism to veil his amusement. To be frank, he never thought that Sting's crazy idea wouldn't be that bad. Actually, it is pretty much entertaining... at least for the Shadow Dragon Slayer.

"Hell right! Tango with Titania! Man... my legs tangled on the third second," a moan comes from under the table. "But that is not the end, pal!"

"Oh?" the genuine interest gets the best of Rogue and he eagerly lends an ear to the story, sleep long forgotten.

 _Three hours ago..._

 _If Sting had had some elusions before, he left them now. All his hopes about a 'compatible couple' had been forsaken. 4 a.m. He'd been dating Titania for only eight hours, but the blonde felt as though he had spent a lifetime with a grumpy wife. Sabertooth's mage was enslaved to an enamoured monster. And there was nothing he could do. There was only one way... Escape._

 _Erza's hand was having a firm grip on his. The Tiger resembled rather a prisoner than a boyfriend. Yeap, that was a problem. The Fairy wouldn't let him go, not for a moment. He needed to distract her. Anything would do. But... Damn, it was 4 a.m.! Not many distractions at that hour._

 _By then Fate was probably dying out there laughing and couldn't take it anymore. So, it took pity on the misfortunate Dragon Slayer and sent him a..._

 _"Strawberry cake."_

 _Well, Fate didn't exactly send it. But it gave an idea to the red-haired Fairy as she suddenly felt an urge to eat her favorite dessert. Sting's face lost its last colors._

 _"Sorry?"_

 _"My body requires two strawberry cakes," Erza explains seriously as if talking about a battle strategy. "With whipped cream", a scary expression of reverie clouded her face as she was unconsciously crushing the blonde's hand in her grip. Instantly, a light bulb lit up above his head. An ingenious plan was moulding in the Tiger's mind. Maybe he could be saved..._

 _"Why have you not told me earlier, babe?!" Sting exclaimed with ostentatious concern, puppy eyes digging into her. For the first time that night Titania's cheeks were flushed. If anything, she looked diffident and guilty. The sight was so unusual that the Dragon Slayer's jaws almost dropped. The red-haired monster with a bashful face was like a fairy-tale coming true. Taking a grip on himself, Sting quickly continued. Who knew how long that spell (or whatever it was making Titania timid) worked... "Come on! I'll treat you to the greatest strawberry cake in Fiore, Ruby!"_

 _"R-really?" Erza stammered, her puppy eyes glittering. Man... was she actually... a girl like everyone else, loving sweets and other girlish stuff?! No matter how hard he tried, Sting could hardly imagine Titania as a... girl. Well, she WAS a girl all right. Some very prominent places on her body made it impossible to doubt. But in other aspects, beside physical, the red-haired Fairy was any one but a... girl. The new side of Titania he was witnessing at the moment was a revelation to the Dragon Slayer._

 _"Sure, babe! I can smell a lovely cafeteria round the corner!" Sting was finally in the familiar waters. Shy and lovesick girls were his cup of tea. Feeling a surge of confidence, the blonde casted a dashing toothy grin at Titania. The colour of her face matched her hair. Yeap, luck was finally taking his side._

 _"B-but isn't it too early in the morning?" Erza mumbled awkwardly, fidgeting with her skirt. With scarlet locks shadowing her eyes and lips pouting, the Fairy was very close to being cute. Maybe it was time to let his guards down...? Neeh, not yet. He had to be cautious if he wanted his plan to work. The red-haired devil was just dormant... but there was no telling when it would awake._

 _"It's never too early for my precious Ruby and great me!" he laughed her concern off, steering her towards the closed doors of the cafeteria. With a wide grin never leaving his face, the White Dragon Slayer noisily banged on the door, causing the whole building to shake. When nobody opened the cafeteria in 20 seconds, Sting gave Erza an apologetic smile and banged on the door more forcefully. "Hey! Are you asleep or something?! Open the doors, would ya?!" he would have broken in without permission, but he'd be wise to appear... polite in Titania's presence._

 _At last, a bolt clicked and the door creaked. A little plumpy man stood on the threshold, his sleepy eyes watching the two customers in disbelief. "Ms. Scarlet...?" the confectioner uttered as if meeting a ghost, but before he could say anything else the Dragon Slayer scooped the little man in a friendly hug, giving a light-hearted chuckle... and preventing him from talking._

 _"Yo, buddy! Remember you promised me a strawberry cake? Told ya I'd come to take it around 4 a.m.!" he gave the man a very meaningful glare, preying the confectioner would take a hint. Alas! The man was small, his brains even smaller._

 _"B-but... Sir... I am not sure..." he pluffed, sweating profusely. Sting's teeth clenched, hugging the fool tighter._

 _"'Coz you're sure! Don't worry, your cakes are the best! We'll just wait for them here, 'kay?" finally, the Tiger's words seemed to come through the thick head of the confectioner. "Remind me, buddy, how much was it...?" he prompted to give the man some enthusiasm._

 _"Urg... Well... Sir, it was... 100,000 jewels," the confectioner mumbled, but his voice stopped to tremble. Sting's eyes narrowed. You little...!_

 _"100,000, huh?" the blonde laughed lightly, giving him an evil eye. You greedy, old sugarbutt! "Buddy, I remember 50,000 jewels!"_

 _"No, no, sir. I'm quite sure you offered 200,000 jewels, but I said that 100,000 is all right," the confectioner smiled shyly, but persistently. He casted an innocent look at the red-haired Fairy. "Ms. Scarlet, this young man ordered a special strawberry cake for you!"_

 _"Darling... Is it true? Darling!" the next moment both Sabertooth's Master and the confectioner were pressed to the armored chest, air squeezed out of their lungs. "It is very honorable of you to care about my needs, love. I'm very grateful!" It was the fifth time his forehead kissed her armour. Unsurprisingly, Sting's head still hadn't gotten used to Erza's hugs._

 _"You're welcome..." he gasped, having problems with breathing. "Will ya... have a seat,... love?"_

 _As soon as Titania was at table, Sting slipped to the kitchens where the sleepy man was quickly whisking eggs in a bowl twice his size._

 _"Listen here, pal," the White Dragon Slayer dropped his pleasantries, allowing a creepy smirk to take its place on his face. The little confectioner had never ceased to tremble, but still, he stood his ground all right. What an obstinate little coward. "Make Titania stay here till 8 a.m. and you'll get 300,000 jewels."_

 _"Excuse me, sir... I'm somewhat deaf..." the man started to mumble again, avoiding Sting's hard glare. The confectioner was getting on his nerves. "Have you said 600,000 jewels?"_

 _"No, old geezer! I said 400,000 and that's it!" losing his temper, the blonde growled dangerously. He was too pissed off to haggle. The idea of blackmailing was becoming more and more appealing. Sting was at the point of threatening: either the confectioner would bake the damn cakes for the red-haired devil or his little cafeteria would learn more about Holy Nova._

 _"B-but, sir..." the old man faltered out, shyly examining strawberries. "I-I thought you said 700,000..."_

 _"What?!"_

...

"What?!"

Rogue stares at his friend in disbelief. The month was hard with all the improvements in Sabertooth. They could hardly make the ends meet. It isn't that bad, but their guild surely does not have a spare million!

"What! I had no choice, buddy!" Sting makes lame excuses, getting further under the table, out of hid infuriated partner's reach. The Shadow Dragon Slayer's eyes got a dangerous spark. What's even more troubling... he is brewing more coffee. An ominous sigh... for Sting.

"Interesting..." the dark male suddenly utters under his breath, immediately drawing the blonde's attention as he peeks out from his shelter.

"What is?"

"Oh... that's nothing..." Rogue shrugs mysteriously. A hardly audible note of amusement, combined with the despicable coffee scent, alarms the White Dragon Slayer. He narrows his eyes in suspicion. "Coffee?" his friend offers in a matter-of-fact way. Rogue's calmness is plain frustrating! Something is definitely wrong, Sting can feel the tension in the air.

"Rogue. Damn you! What's going on?!" he squalls, panic creeping into the voice. His partner doesn't answer right away. No, he is biding his time, sadist! Slowly, Rogue stirs the coffee and pours it into a big cup. He sits down then, the cup on his knees so that the scent has a free access to Sting's nose. Oh yes, the Shadow Dragon Slayer is mad at him and that's his retribution.

"Well..." he starts, being deliberately vague. Before continuing, Rogue takes another sip. The blonde clenches teeth. Bastard. "I'm just curious what o'clock it is."

With his heart stopping, Sting shifts a wary look at the clock. Fifteen minutes past eight. Damn.

...

"DARLING!"

The voice's so powerful that it even daunts the Shadow Dragon Slayer, who has nothing to do with Titania. So, whatever happens to a certain blonde person - at whom her wrath is directed - it will not be pleasant.

"I count to three!" the red-haired Fairy clamours from the outside. "I will force this door down unless you open it, love!" Walls start to shake. Rogue sighs for the hundredth time this morning . Looks like Sabertooth will have to pay for the hotel's restoration as well. "One!"

"Rogue, do something! I gonna die!" Sting pleads, his skin lacking a few colors. The dark male shrugs indifferently as the blonde pulls at his hair in despair.

"Two!"

"Damn!"

"The window is here, Sting."

"Right! You're the savior of the day, buddy!"

"Don't mention it."

"THREE! I am coming in...!"

Before the door can be thrust open (with walls crumbling around), Rogue quickly unlocks it to face the enraged Fairy. Strong strawberry scent assaults his nose. Her eyes narrow dangerously, boring and drilling him mercilessly. The Shadow Dragon Slayer straightens up, doing his best to keep the composure... despite one hundred (or two hundred...?) swords being pointed at him.

"Where is my love?" Titania demands in a low voice, incinerating him with a burning glare.

Wordlessly, Rogue points at the window.

"I am very sorry. Please, accept my apologies for disturbing you. You can hit me."

As the dark man just stares at her, too stunned to comment, the Fairy bids her farewell and rushes past him right to the window. Shrugging, Rogue walks back to his coffee. A small smile pulls at his lips as the dark male pours out the disgusting drink. The smell is really revolting. But unlike Sting he can tolerate it a bit better. Yawning, the Shadow Dragon Slayer goes back to bed. A few more hours of sleep would be nice. Before Rogue loses himself in the dreamlands, familiar shouts reach his ears. _Here it comes..._

Looks like two lovebirds have finally found each other...


End file.
